![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
What do you think? I'd love to know, to know how I appear.
What makes me special?
Am I strong, or something admirable. Creative, positive, unique? Really?
I don't know.
Probably not.
I've never really suffered. Never really encountered something that would require that sort of "strength". What would I do?
It's so easy to make me cry.
I'm easy to upset.
I'm probably easy to influence and to hurt and to crush.
Who would figure? I talk so brave. I have this "wise beyond my years" thing going on. This mature attitude I display.
But hell, I'm still just... well, just this age. I have the same damned problems as anyone else.
It's not like that's shocking. Is it?
I'm sure you knew that. But you probably forget sometimes. I think I forget sometimes.
I think
I think maybe I should stop trying to do things that my brother did.
I mean, obviously he could get major roles in plays and musicals and catz band. It's just easier for guys.
I mean it's not like that's the reason I want to do these things, I do genuinely love it. But I'm sure that it factor's into my level of disappointment when I don't make it.
I know he has his faults and whatever. I'm not saying I look up to him like some idol and think everything he does is gold. He was full of problems. But sometimes it feels like, really, am I as successful, as impressive as him?
In some ways sure, I guess. We did different things, but when we try to do the same things, well he seems to succeed where I don't.
And I should stop holding myself to all these standards.
Stop having to be the mature, together, calm and figured out one.
Stop having to act strong.
Stop needing to look certain ways.
It's not that I'm not genuine. It's not that I don't care.
I do. I care so much, it's always getting me in trouble.
I feel like I'm constantly being myself, letting people know I don't care about their bullshit trends and social norms.
But who knows.
I don't really know who I am, so who am I being when I'm being myself?
Ugh.
I'm just going in and out of something. I'm sure I'm okay. I have lots to be happy about, happy for. I can see that.
I'll try not to get to myself too much.
But sometimes he's dreading it, sometimes he's scared, sometimes he just wants to stay here to make sure everything works out.
It's a risk but I have confidence we'll make it. I'm not going anywhere. He's not changing his mind about me.
But sometimes he gets this scenario in his head. Where because he cant be there someone else will come along, maybe we'll just be friends at first but then this other guy will be there for me when he can't be and it will just go from there.
But it hurts, so much, to even imagine.
I mean physically hurts. Sometimes when he says the nicest things to me I get this feeling like a real tug on the hearts strings, or some kind of butterfly effect deep inside me. It makes me feel so loved.
And when he talks like that I get this pain from the same place, the thought of not being with him anymore, the visualization of his fear makes me feel like I could cry. I think I'd be lost without him. And the thought of anyone else, any faceless nameless person that is not him, being with me in any of the ways he is makes me sick.
Sometimes I wonder about the other girls he'll meet. Older and smarter and prettier and more likable people than me, and even though I know he wouldn't see any of it I want to just hold tight to him so that he doesn't forget I'm there.
I know that without him here I will be okay. I will miss him, it will be hard, sometimes I'll be lonely or sad and it will hurt terribly and I'll just want to be in his arms, but I know I don't have to worry, I know that only his arms will do. And I know that I will call him and talk to him until I feel that butterfly effect in me and I know that he still loves me and misses me just as much. I know I can do this.
I said I could never love anyone else, he said "I never said love"
But I am in love and there's nothing else I need.
I have love, and no matter where he is, as long as I have that, that is enough.
Hypocritical. Hypocritical because I'm scared, scared to admit that I make the same mistakes as other people my age. Hypocritical in that I'll talk about someone like I'm so above them for acting the same way I've acted. Hypocritical for saying I have reasons and not bothering to defend others with the same excuse. Hypocritical for defending myself saying that no one is any one thing, for saying that you can't group and judge and generalize people just because you're judging me.
Just like everyone else in that I think I'm so different.
Just like everyone else in that I didn't keep track of my morals.
Just like everyone else in that I let the world influence me, and tell me that I had to be something else.
Just like everyone else in that I wanted to be like everyone else.
Just like everyone else in that I wanted to be myself.
Self centered. Scared. Stupid. I make mistakes. I take chances. I fuck up. I am not innocent. I am not without malice, or jealousy, envy or want for respect.
and I'm not without feelings. I'm not without love. I'm not without regrets. I'm not without reasons. I'm not without fear. I'm not as strong, confident, self-righteous, or good as I'd like to seem.
I'm just like everyone else.
( eff )
He looks at me like he's looking out at the entire world, this look that makes me wonder if it's really me he's seeing at all. Maybe his mind really is lost in space, and he's looking at some work of art, some world wonder, surely not me, when did I ever do something worthy of such a gaze?
"What?" I ask, stupidly, but not quite breaking the moment.
He says nothing, but he's looking at me with this look that seems to just say "what else?"
And after a moment, he mouths "you".
So quiet I can only hear it by it's fervor.
And he leans in, and I breathe out, our lips come together, and we fall into it.
Here is everything,
the world in his arms.
Probably, love is just chemical reactions. Love is just something between our brains and our hormones that can all be explained by science. Love is just a trait, an instinct, something we developed for survival, just like war. Love helps the species to survive, love is nature's way of making us thrive as a species. It's engineered, for most people a main goal in life is to find a partner, to settle down, to have a family, to raise a child, to continue the species. It's part of being human, our main subconscious goal is to survive, both individually, but also as a species.
Of course, this clashes, we are the only species that tries to fully eliminate sections of itself. We can be divided, but our instincts are the same. The chemicals that make us attracted to each other are the same, the want for a partner remains.
It's really a brilliant strategy on nature's part. Because love does more than just allow us to reproduce. Someone in love will take care of thier partner when sick, will help them when in trouble, will do really anything for the other. Back in less civilized times, when we were but a new breed of ape come down from the trees this bond probably meant the survival of our species and our young. People will die to protect someone they love.
Does all this mean love is a lie? Just a charactaristic of our species to help it's population thrive? Does it make the whole thing less meaningful that it can be explained by hormones and chemicals and brainwaves and evolution?
On the contrary, I think it says something about nature, about life on the whole.
That we love to survive.
That we NEED love to survive.
I think that's beautiful.
nobody can save you but
yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible
situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and
force
to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly
inside.
nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them.
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless
being?
do you want to experience
death before death?
nobody can save you but
yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.
think about it.
think about saving your self.
-Charles Bukowski.
Today in resource I spent the last ten minutes writing random haikus.
I like haiku.
Life is difficult
but it's worth it in the end
or so I am told
late nights and talking
truth is easy when we're tired
we don't need the sleep.
Procrastination
happier wasting time
than amounting to something
(star trek! I crack myself up)
live long and prosper
exploring the universe
beam me up, scotty.
Free verse is nice.
Maybe I'll write poems tonight?
But of course my brain kept going.
So since it'd be off topid to say now I'll post.
Continuation from: and I should just let people be themselves.
Because you see it's who you are that I like about you, so I shouldn't always be trying to stop you from doing things that are just a reflection of your personality even if they are impulsive and not the best ideas or whatever because your impulsiveness is part of who you are. And I like that about you, it's fun. And I like that you're sometimes kind of childish or easily excited because you can make me happy whenever just by your positivity and you make everything fun so I should just see things your way sometimes instead of crossing my arms and acting like I'm so above it. Because I'm not. I do the same thing all the time, so why is okay for me to act crazy and excited, or for both of us to, but when you're hyper and I'm not I just get annoyed.
I just feel like that's a bitchy thing of me to do. And I guess it's okay sometimes, but I do things like that too often.
It's been a while since I've had to admit to anything, to be completely open about something I try to keep private.
Which is a good thing, because it means that it's been a while since I've had anything like that on my mind.
I still don't really. But right now I feel like if someone asked the most personal questions or wanted to hear every detail of my life's story I would just answer without trying to get out of it, maybe just once, to see if they really wanted to know.
Maybe it's that sick want everyone gets sometimes. You know, where you wish you had some reason to be upset, just so you could be upset, just so someone could ask you about it, then you might not even tell them, only if it was me I probably would, but the thing is when that happens with me no one ever asks. Probably because they don't live in my head and couldn't possibly even realize that anything so complex was even forming. Of course because I'm over analytical I have to turn that into them just not really caring anyway or maybe they don't want to ask because they think I don't want to tell but really it's not that I don't want to tell it's just that I want them to care and for some reason I sometimes don't think people really care unless they persist but people never persist because if someone doesn't want to talk about something you shouldn't force them, but when that person is me it's probably for my own benefit if you do, and besides it makes me feel less bad because I always persist when the roles are switched even when it's really nothing big and I should just leave well enough alone and I am rambling..
Thing is right now I am not upset, nor do I want to be, I don't want to be comforted or anything, I just want to talk.
About me, because I am selfish
About you, because I am nosy.
But I can't just up and blurt out everything ever. Because for one thing I wouldn't have a place to start. And for another because someone needs to want to know. They have to want to know something specific, who cares what. I want someone to want to ask me something, anything, specifically about me, my life or how I think about a certain thing.
Maybe I just want someone to be that interested in me. That I want them to actually pry for an answer. Right now I feel like I could willingly tell everything, but only if you ask.
The thing is there's probably really nothing to ask about. I'm not that mystereous, I'm not that interesting.
Why do I seem to so often want this kind of attention?
1. Name: Shira
2. Birthday:Aug. 27
3. Where do you live: WElland, unfortunately
4. IM: Shira_Blank at hot dot
5. What are you studying/What are you working as: school, general high school stuff, art and french and some stupid bird courses at the moment. Maybe I'll get a job this summer, or not.
6. What makes you happy: Pretty views and music and films, friends, hugs, closeness, and that feeling of knowing that everything is good or will be shortly.
7. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:The playlist of random songs ended and I haven't put anything else on yet.
8. Weirdest food you like: random asian things I guess? I like lots of weird things.
9. An interesting fact about you: I've never moved, though that's more boring than interesting. I was unintentionally named after a superheroin.
10. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment: yes.
11. Favorite place to be: anywhere in good company, or anywhere beautiful in solitude when I feel the need.
12. Favorite lyric:I don't really have one. I find a lot of artists have good lyrics. Regina Spektor is a favourite for that. Or for everything.
13. Best time of the year: Autumn.
14. Put a picture of yourself: I am not exactly sure how, and don't feel like it. But you can look in the corner there to see the back of my head.
RECOMMEND
1. A film: Water
2. A book: The Book Thief
3. A song: One More Time With Feeling - Regina Spektor
4. A band: Yo La Tengo
PLUS
1. One thing you like about me: Her strength
2. Two things you like about yourself: My creativity when inspired, my energy when I have it....
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?
I would write more tonight, but I don't know what to say. And I'm going to bed.
Quizzes, thoughts and poems and things I wrote down in France (sometimes in French!) but never did anything with, letters I didn't send, some new thoughts that I haven't yet fully thought out, rambling, just an excuse to post something really. It's been a while, and sometimes this thing is the only way I manage to really get out what's on my mind. A little pathetic really, but we could just say that I'm more comprehendable in written form, when I've had some time to plan my words. Otherwise I am just a jumble, though at this moment I don't really have any full thoughts, any planned out words, I'm still kind of just all jumbled. My thoughts and words are suffering jet lag and culture shock, they don't know what they're doing here. They don't know what they're doing anywhere. I don't know what I'm doing.
( Quiz. I may not have many fears, but that doesn't mean nothing scares me. )
( unfinished poems )
Post:
Today I bought a new bathing suit. Which meant trying on bathing suits.
I do not like my body.
People rarely do, it's always the little things, too much of this, too little of that, no one else notices these small things, and anyway it's just part of who you are to them, and if they are friends they like who you are. They will tell you you are crazy for nitpicking these little things.
It's not so much that I wish I looked differently, because if I could look differently I don't know how I would choose to look.
Some things would look better on me if I were taller, some things would look better if I had more chest, et cetera, whatever. Does the fact that one item of clothing would look better on me if I were taller mean that I'm going wish to be so? Does it mean I should resent my height and wish I could change it? Well no, it's just clothes right? And I quite like my height, I'm used to it, it's part of who am in a way, part of what I look like.
I am thankful for my body, keeping me alive, letting me move and interact. But there are all these little things, so little I can't even specify myself what they are. I don't know what I don't like about my body today, but for this moment at least, I just don't like it...
Oh well.
( from France)
Dear universe,
you're big and vast and endless enough that it doesn't matter that you're not listening, that you don't care. I don't believe in God, but if I did, I don't think I would pray to him/her. I am fully aware that I am but a tiny speck when compared to everything else in existence. So tiny that God would need a microscope to see me, a stethoscope to hear me. Why would I pray to a God that I know couldn't hear me, and even if could, wouldn't care, and even if God DID care, what difference would that make to me? No, best to speak to the vast empty universe, not expecting an audience.
People often wonder what they will be when they grow up. They often ask me what I think I will be when I grow up, and then I have to wonder too. But more so I wonder what the world will be.
How can I try to plan out where I will fit in in a world that is everchanging, that won't even be the same when I get there? When it's sure too that I won't be the same either.
Maybe I'm afraid to plan so much, like being afraid of commitement, of making decisions, of closing doors.
Maybe I am afraid of being trapped, even if it's somewhere I want to be.
Like being in a room with everything I could ever want or need, a place I would never want to leave, but then having the door locked. I might never want to leave, but that doesn't mean I want the ability to taken away.
Maybe this is why Ill never fully figure myself out, because after that, what's left to wonder about? If I've got it all figured out, I can't 'grow up' anymore, and if I can't grow up anymore, then I've become all I am.
Remember that I love you ( From France)
I love you, I love you. These are not just pretty words.
Always, I am afraid of saying them wrong somehow, of making them sound empty, or saying them too much, too loud, too soft, in the wrong tone, as though I could wreck what they stand for. But it's not the words that matter, they are just sounds, different in ever language and voice and life. No, it's what's behind them that is heard. The pages and pages of thoughts and feeling.
I love you, I could never leave you. Not if I wanted to. It would break you to leave you, but it would also break me, not just our metaphoric hearts, but our entire selves, lives, crushed. We are both so much of eachother that neither of us could be truly ourselves without the other. That is how this feels.
I know I am a child in the eyes of the world, we both are. I know little of the world, I know nothing of real devastation, challenge, hardship, I have lived a life of luck far beyond what I deserve for the little thanks I give. I have been handed luxury, and so much that others never see.
I know that I have had in my life only small, insignificant problems, and perhaps it is not right to say I can feel so strongly when we are just ignorant kids, but strongly is how I feel.
Maybe I am in too deep with you, but that doesn't scare me. I am a good swimmer, and if I'm in over my head I don't think I mind, because if love is the water I'm in, I may have just grown gills, because I don't think I could breathe without it.
True, they say that first love comes strongest, because it is new. We have yet to be 'tested' in it, but I believe that should we be challenged we would overcome it.
We each want only the best for the other, there is no spite. Each of us sees the others' potential and wants only or them to see it too, to have the amazing life that they can have, and deserve. Each of us only wants the other to be able to see what they are worth.
Of course, neither of us is perfect, but why would we want perfection? We want to help eachother, be there for eachother, show eachother that life is just waiting for us.
Together, not as one, but as two individuals together, we can take our little world by storm.
(Just avant que) six semaines ont déjà passé, donc, il reste juste six semaines et après je vais revins en Canada.
Six. Semaines.
J'ai déjà était en France pour un demi de mon temps ici et ce sens comme rien! Rien de tout.
Je suis excité pour la vacance de Paques (et pour irais Paques avec la famille Tertrais). La petite maison en Noirmoutier est trop belle, tout l'Isle est beau. Mais aussi, ç'est deux semaines sans l'Internet, sans téléphone, sans quelqu’un de parle en Anglais avec...
A la même époque ç'est meilleure comme ça - pour apprendre le Français.
Six semaines, mon dieu, ce n’est pas beaucoup.
Je suis juste arrivé! C'est trop tôt. Bien sûr, j'aime bien ma vie en Canada, oui je le manque, et mes amis, et Matt aussi je lui Manque...
Mais, j'adore aussi la vie en France, et six semaines va passer très vites. Trop vite.
J'espère que je pouvais revins un jour...
But everything just happens, I could say I've been here over a month, I could say almost six weeks, I could say it's just under two months until I'll be gone again, but that's not really how it is.
First I was at home planning and preparing and then I was on a plane and then I was here and days passed and I did things and met people and soon I will be leaving and then I will be back and it will all have happened, it all just happens day by day. Life just goes and goes.
Sure I miss people but I don't want to cut my time any shorter, two months is so little time, it will go by and I am looking foreward to experiencing it. I am looking foreward to coming back. To telling silly stories and sharing French candies and giving people presents.
I am looking foreward to seeing everyone again, to being back to where I came from but at a different time with more behind me.
Travelling is I think, the best way to see what there really is in life. Just how much there is in the world. You see that opportunities to do something are everywhere, that everything that seems so far is really quite acheivable, you look around and think "sure, I may be small and ignorant, maybe I've done nothing, been nowhere, maybe I am no one special, I am just like so many others, but hey, I think I really could find a place in this mess, I think I could really BE something."
Welland is such a closed in little space. With closed in people in closed in houses, it's the ones that get out and take a look around that find out the truth: Dreams are nowhere near as far away as the little town where you grew up made them seem.
It goes for every place, every little town and some of the big ones too, any society that you get stuck in, all you have to do is go out and see something new and you realize that there's more to life- and you can have it too, just take it.
But take it quick before it goes
because life, it goes, and goes, and goes...
Glasses clink
and people laugh
you sound like bells,
like broken glass.
You're sipping tea
or something stronger
The night goes on
Each second seems longer.
Oh aren't we cute, dainty, and divine?
With our dirty cigarettes and wine,
Pretending to be the people we're not
Pinkies out, we each take a shot.
You're about as sweet
as a wasted opportunity
You make as much sense
as a vodka tea party.
"This is how it is. Whenever I watch a movie like this, read a love story, see it on TV, when there is love depicted in fiction, I feel it.It's like this pit of your stomach feeling, tell me you don't feel something at those lines, tell me that kiss didn't speak volumes to your heart.
It used to make me feel so happy, yet so lonely. It's such a good feeling, but it's not really there, it's not real, I'm just easily fooled, I care about people who don't even exist and I feel their love as if it was my own.
I used to think that if I was ever in love, that would be how I knew. I would at some point get that feeling, that tug on my heart, but deeper. It scared me that I would never get it, never feel that, but I thought, if I ever did I would know. That would make it real, that would be love.
Then I felt it. I really really did, there were no cheesy lines, it was not a piece of fiction, it was just you telling me I mattered. Maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm blind, maybe I was just scared, but I felt it and I knew it was there and I still didn't get it. It just made me confused, "what does this mean?" I thought, "oh god, it's that feeling, I feel it I do, why do I feel like this, I thought that this was supposed to make it obvious, simple, can I not trust myself?"
It was like, I knew people cared about me, friends, family. I know they care, I know I matter to them, but somehow, it just meant more, it mattered more to be important to you.
I don't know how, or why, but you are not just any other person. You make me happy when no one else can, I don't have to hide around you, lie to you. If I was having the worst day ever, like I woke up with a migraine, my shower was cold, we ran out of tea, my grandmother died, I ran out of makeup, the happy face on my ceiling fell down and I felt for no apparent reason like a miserable failure at life. What would you say?
I don't know. It might not even be much, just an apology and a couple kind words. A little tiny ray of positivity, and you could have me grinning. You say I mean a lot, especially to you, you say it just like that, simple and honest and I feel it in my heart. To mean a lot especially to you means more than you could ever know.
I think I'm more than falling for you, I think I'm flying and running and tumbling and speeding. I was falling for you before either of us knew it, and now I don't even know what to do.
That is what scares me. Not this feeling, but that one day you'll realize that you can do so much better, and I will hit the ground.
“I felt you in my life before I ever thought to.”
-Teagan and Sara
"
Written in July. Before you told me you loved me. Back when we were both so scared and so new to it all.
But I don't think that state of wonder ever really left.
<3
it is raining,
he's got no umbrella
He starts running beneath the awnings
trying to save his suit.
Trying to dry and to try and to dry
but no good.
When he gets to the crowded subway platform he takes off both of his shoes
steps right into somebody's fat loogie and everyone who sees him says "ew"
everyone who sees him says "ew."
But
he
doesn't
care
cause
last
night
he
got
a
visit
from
the
ghost of corporate future
the
ghost
said
take
off
both
your
shoes
whatever chances you get
especially when they're wet
he also said:
Imagine you go away
on a business trip someday
and when you come back home
your children have grown and you never made your wife moan
your children have grown and you never made your wife moan
And people make you nervous
you'd think the world is ending
And everybody's features have somehow started blending
and everything is plastic
and everyone's sarcastic
and all your food is frozen
and needs to be defrosted
you'd think the world was ending
you'd think the world was ending
you'd think the world was ending right nowww...
Well maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee
and never ever watch the ten o'clock news
maybe you should kiss someone nice
or lick a rock
or both
Maybe you should just cut your own hair
'cause that can be so funny
it doesn't cost any money and it always grows back
it grows even after you're dead...
People are just people
they shouldn't make you nervous
The world is everlasting
it's coming and it's going
if you don't toss your plastic
the streets won't be so plastic
and if you kiss somebody then both of you get practice
the world is everlasting
put dirtballs in your pockets
put dirtballs in your pockets and take off both your shoes
cause people are just people
people are just people
people are just people like you...
The world
is everlasting
it's coming
and it go-oh-oh-oh-oing
the world
is
ever
lasting
it's coming
and it's goooiiinnng.
-REginaSPEKTor.
( 16?? )
It's such a true statement. No matter what you've done, no matter how stuck you are, how stressed, how in over your head, how far gone you are. No matter what you've done, where you are, who you are, what you've said, the world is not going to end just because you're in a sucky spot.
You have to keep trying, keep going, keep working towards fixing things, improving, pushing forward. Because if you don't, it won't stop there. You don't hit rock bottom and then end, you keep going down, down, down.
It might be easier to just give up, to let this be it, but the thing is, that's not it. The world doesn't stop because you give up. You can royally screw up everything, but the sun will still rise and you will still wake up the next day and if you don't push, push forward then you have to spend day after day getting worse and worse.
But it's not all miserable.
You can embarrass yourself. You can get your heart broken. You can fail at something. You can fall from a high position. You can have your ego shattered. You can be brought as far down as someone can bring you, but it's never going to mean the end.
The sun still rises. You still have a chance. You can keep going. You can get up, you have to get up, because if you don't go up, you'll go down.
Put aside your what-ifs, put aside your concerns, put aside your fears and your anticipations, your worry and expectations.
Let go and live and love and do your best and be yourself and the world will still keep going no matter what and you have nothing to fear
(but fear itself).
This is the time of year when everyone starts making "resolutions" plans, vows, discussing the things about themselves and thier lives they want to change.
Honestly, I don't really get new-year resolutions. To me, it seems kind of like postponing life. Putting things off to deal with later, 2009, the new year, the delusion of a "fresh start." There's no such thing as a fresh start, life isn't a game, you can't just put down the controller for a while and start over again later. You carry everything over, you can't drop your past at midnight, make the past year entirely non-cannon. So why wait until Jan. 1st to make decisions. If you're unhappy, fix it, if there's something in your life you need to do, or stop doing, do it. It's nice to be able to look forward to the next year, to set goals like "a year from now I hope to be doing -this- with my life" but who cares if it's new years eve or not? The whole thing seems a tad overhyped. Anyway, specific resolutions I think are also pointless, you're determining a goal for an entire year in one night, what if something comes up? I don't want to resolve to do or not do anything. Life is more exciting when it's a little unexpected.
That being said there's a difference between a resolution and a hope.
I hope that at this time next year everyone I know and love is healthy, happy, and can look back on 2009 with a sense of contentment.
( & )
God I'm so weird.
:D
We woke up one morning, and decided
pigs
could fly.
So now we live alone,
in a corner of the sky.
...
elentari says:
so, a myth then? like the whole astronauts on the moon thing?
shiramunster says:
that one I think happened
or could by now anyway
elentari says:
i think it could have been faked
elentari says:
like the star wars thing
shiramunster says:
regardless, we could probably do it now.
elentari says:
what makes you say so?
shiramunster says:
it's the future!
shiramunster says:
If we put the effort into it, we could probably do it, but probes are safer and more reliable so what evs.
elentari says:
probes?
shiramunster says:
putting people up there is really more just symbolism, you can get plenty of rocks and pictures and other information without putting a person on the moon...
elentari says:
the thing is
elentari says:
there might not even really be a moon
shiramunster says:
that's a slightly insane sounding theory, how do you figure?
elentari says:
well, the world is covered in black
and at night, there's a hole in the black from global warming
and through that hole, light comes through
shiramunster says:
so before the invention of cars and domestication of cows there was no moon?
elentari says:
no no no, cows have nothing to do with it
shiramunster says:
but global warming...
elentari says:
isn't really what you think it is either!
shiramunster says:
aha!
elentari says:
it has nothing to do with pollution
it's from the overpopulation of the earth.
there are so many people now, huddled together under the big black blanket, that's a lot of body heat
and there's rumbling and tumbling. It caused a tear in the black blanket
don't they teach this stuff in school?
shiramunster says:
congratulations on thinking outside the box! (Though would you mind explaining how the ancient texts talk about the moon when the population of earth would have been tiny?)
elentari says:
they were prophets. they were seeing things that had yet come to pass:
true story
shiramunster says:
Hm, it's a fun philosophy, maybe if I didn't have so much faith in humanity
elentari says:
what? wait
you don't think i was putting down humanity?
not at all
shiramunster says:
Well, I'd be more inclined to believe your theory if I didn't have any trust in people.
elentari says:
but the people predicted it, and it's true, there's a "moon" now. so of course you'd have trust in people
shiramunster says:
But I trust people too much see, I trust that scientists and educators who tell me that the moon is like a rock and that it causes tides and such not to be lying, to have actually done some checking like they say they have. 'Cause you know, people are just people, I can't bring myself to think they're all conspiring.
elentari says:
that's what they're trying to get you to think!
to trust them!
elentari says:
and ignore the obvious conspiracy!
shiramunster says:
Even so, what is the motive? What is the harm in my knowing the earth is merely shrowded by a big black blanket
elentari says:
because THEY put it there. and if people know it's just a black blanket, people are gonna want to explore. but they want people to stay because they need the energy and body heat to sustain their slushy machines
shiramunster says:
So then, what's out there? Beyond the blanket? A world of pure white light?
And they are trying to literally keep us in the dark?
elentari says:
well the thing is, it's like the tree in the garden of eden
we're not supposed to go there
shiramunster says:
We'll see the light!
elentari says:
exactly!
it'll be amazing!
but they're trying to stop us!
shiramunster says:
They're keeping us from enlightenment!
World peace lies on the other side of the black blanket
elentari says:
i'm glad you're finally starting to understand
elentari says:
not just world peace
but also galactical peace
shiramunster says:
it's an epic war between good and evil, dark and light
elentari says:
yes, you're getting it
shiramunster says:
Oh man
elentari says:
aren't you glad you took the blue pill?
shiramunster says:
we need to inform the masses!
elentari says:
yes!
we will form a religion
shiramunster says:
Not a religion
elentari says:
fine a Faith
shiramunster says:
religion doesn't solve anything, we need a union
elentari says:
OURS does!
shiramunster says:
people not afraid to take action!
elentari says:
either way.
you must lead the people, it was prophesied
shiramunster says:
Peaople Against The Dark Shroud?
elentari says:
yes
PADS
you will lead the movement, and i will by your guide and your wisdom
shiramunster says:
That's it! Divine intervention, right there, with a name like that it MUST be the truth!
Alright!
High five let's go!
elentari says:
*highfive*
.
( In other news... )
So the other day I thought to myself about what I would say if people kept asking me if I was okay, I mean, of course I'm not going to fly off the handle and rant to the next person who asks me that, because once I've come to terms with it all myself, thought through the whole issue, it seems kind of like it's been dealt with.
Are you okay Shira? Are you sure you're okay?
You want the honest truth? No. No I'm not sure that I'm okay. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm not.
Yeah, I'm a bit crazy, I'm pretty fucked up.
But hey, who isn't? Who on earth has never felt messed up, who in their life does not get depressed, or stressed, or act a little weird, do something a bit unhealthy? It's part of life, I think. What's disorder anyway? Everyone is weird, who the hell is "okay"?
So some people are better off than others, they have good lives and everything they need and more than enough of what they want. If they're fucked up is it less acceptable? Do they have less reason to feel like shit because their lives are so good? No. If you're fucked up, you're fucked up. And actually, what's wrong with that? Everyone feels like shit sometimes, for reasons that go way beyond whatever kind of life they have, reasons that are all in the mind, no matter how healthy and psychologically stable that mind is.
Sometimes the idea is put out there that everyone has some bit of some disorder, it's what we get for having such inbred, racist ancestors, and I'm not talking about one race, pretty much all of humanity divided up and stubbornly decided to stay that way. My dad once said this idea, he said he thought he probably had a bit of some sort of antisocial dissorder, and maybe a few other things, who knows, it's probably true. Once my mom suggested that she thought I might have a bit of dyslexia, or something, of course I took offence to this and protested the accusation. Why does labelling it make it so much worse? And why then, are we always trying to label things that are unimportant if all it does is make things worse? I'm not saying we shouldn't do what we can for the cases that are actually problamatic, I'm not saying that we should just pass everything off and not classify people ever, sometimes you have to, but we sometimes don't seem to know where to draw the line. Another of humanity's dissorders I guess, we tend to do everything in excess.
So I guess what I'm saying is no, I am not okay, but I'm no more fucked up than anyone else.
Does that answer your question?
